With Every Challenge Comes Great Innovation- The 2020 Quarantine, Parent-Life Analysis, a collaborative look at what we learned as parents- #1 Patience!!
2020 has been a hell of a year with COVID and many other tragedies. We have learned many new things about our history, our country, our politicians, our faith, our humanity, and science.
This blog will focus on what we learned as parents during lock down. I wondered if other parents were going crazy, losing patience, and worrying about their kids, our futures, and how we will move forward into 2021. So, I asked any and every parent I know from diverse backgrounds and cultures, and even requested responses on several social media platforms.
I received approximately 10 responses back. Not bad for me! I usually get zero, so this was a win! I appreciate all the co-authors on this mini analysis project I took on to help me stay somewhat relevant and put my college degree to work (especially since I'm still paying off my student loans, LOL). I lost my full-time job due to COVID. I was an Account Manager/Sales for OptiSource in Bellport. They are a major supplier for Ophthalmologists. My new job became being an unpaid teacher and happily, a full-time personal assistant (I would say the "B" word here because essentially I was their "B" but let's keep it somewhat classy now) to 4 divas and caretaker to my Mom.
Thank you to the following co-authors for taking your time to respond, I love you all: Rachel F., Natalie, Veronica, Nicole C., Krystal H., Annesha, and a couple other anonymous authors. Your responses helped me reflect and I hope you will enjoy what they wrote as much as I did.
I asked parents the following questions:
1. What was your greatest learning from being a parent in Quarantine?
2. What was your biggest challenge?
3. What did you love?
4. What did you hate?
5. How did your parenting style adapt to the challenge?
6. How did you explain Coronavirus to your kids?
7. What did you need or miss the most during quarantine?
8. Did you find that the new normal is actually cooler than pre virus? If so why or why not?
9. Any advice to parents?
Almost 100% of my co-authors indicated their greatest learning and challenge was trying to find patience! Patience truly is a virtue. I can certainly relate- us parents had to homeschool, sometimes while working full time, and then be a parent. We were teachers full time in a completely foreign world. You saw all those viral videos where parents praised teachers for teaching their God awful kids, LOL... and the Memes were totally on point. As I type this, I am actually listening to Guns and Roses' song, Patience because it's motivating and helpful for me to write and think with music (Also listening to Black by Pearl Jam). And, we all need a little more patience with our kids, our extended family, our spouses, and OURSELVES!
Almost all actually enjoyed the extra quality time with their families. I know I definitely enjoyed being able to relax at home in my pajamas and do whatever we wanted with no schedule every day. I was laid off and it hurt us financially a little but it was great to spend all day with my family. I, personally started to eat more so I joined Noom to help control my emotional eating. After a couple of months, I started to get very frustrated with my kids fighting all the time and resisting school work. I was yelling more, I started smoking again, and definitely drinking more alcohol! Once the summer hit, it was game on- we went to the beaches, we went in our pool and the kids were happy again, and so was I.
Almost everyone mentioned how sad these times were with the news telling us daily death counts. It was very depressing and we all prayed for those who were sick and the families of those who passed away from the virus. I want to extend my deepest sympathy to anyone who has lost someone to COVID and know that our hearts and prayers are with you. Most of my co-authors did not lose anyone close to them and so this was probably a major contributing factor to their responses.
So, let's take a look at what my co-authors had to say for each question asked:
1. What was your greatest learning from being a parent in Quarantine?
Patience, besides being a parent, my husband was at home and at times we felt like we were on top of each other. So we needed to give each other some space as well as talk privately about the effects of COVID so as not to frighten the children
Learning how to try and be patient, not everything is perfect and that's ok. I learned to stop sweating the small stuff.
My greatest learning experience was that being less busy is better! I was able to enjoy my kids more because we weren't always rushing around.
Controlling my angers & frustrations (still learning) very hard not to lose your patience with a 3yo, when you are working from home, parenting, sharing and office with your spouse.
I learned that I will probably be a great grandmother. Disciplining isn't something I enjoy and sticking to the punishment is very hard but effective when I do.
2. What was your biggest challenge?
My greatest challenge was knowing how to live in the day to day when out in public. There was so much conflicting information about Covid and how to catch it.
Homeschool and worrying about their mental health and well being.
Food shopping and getting cleaning supplies. I love to cook so it started getting scary when there never seem to never be a open spot to order food on instacart and fresh vegetables and fruits started running low.
Parenting a toddler while also working and also being pregnant the entirety of this pandemic. Balance isn't always easy.
Working and schooling simultaneously.
3. What did you love?
Family time. We reconnected over board and card games. Cooking as a family.
Time literally stopped, sports and activities cancelled, no playdates, no birthday parties. I enjoyed the slow down and the whatever bedtimes and wake up alarms. It was nice to not be in a rush all the time, we were running somewhere every night.
I loved the family time and all the home projects we got to accomplish.
Being pregnant, my daughter's life is about be changed drastically. So I am so thankful we have been able to have this time home with her. To make her final days as an only child special. Family time during this mess had been great. We have a better work\life balance working from home.
Being able to enjoy the summer with the family more than I ever did. Again it was very challenging to try to enjoy my time home when I'm also working a very demanding career remotely.
4. What did you hate?
Having to be strong for everyone when we were living in uncertain times. Moms always have to be strong and reassuring.
I hated to see people that I know suffer losses. It was very sad.
I hated the pressure I put on myself to try and force learning. There was little to no learning, I came to the conclusion I just had to try and keep them current.
There's no break. Your parenting 24\7, working longer hours than you might if you were in the office. And with the inability to really go out and do things like you would before, or find a trustworthy and clean sitter ... Life's challenging without a break.
Not being to 100% concentrate on anything. I'm 50/50 on looking after the kids and working.
5. How did your parenting style adapt?
It basically stayed the same. I just had to be more assertive with school assignments to one child, which was a shocker because she usually did everything for herself.
I stopped caring so much about the little stuff, bedtime, wake up time, routines. It wasn't a big deal.
I think we struggled at first finding the balancing between working and parenting simultaneously. But we have learned to take turns with our attentions to her. We created a space in our home strictly dedicated to work for us, and play for her. So she had a space where she can make a mess, watch TV, and be safe within close range. And we have a camera in there for when we cannot physically get up and check on her.
My parenting style adapted by being more laid back. I was able to do the things with my kids that I always wanted to do. Be in nature more. Learn more about the world around us. Flowers. Birds. Trees.
I stopped caring about a lot of things and left them alone to do their own stuff for hours at a time. The good things we used to do like reading at night and cooking together stopped because of being exhausted from being pulled in many directions.
6. How did you explain coronavirus to your kids? (If applicable)
China virus! Ha, they knew about it and seemed more alarmed about it before I was.
It's a bad virus that we don't know anything about it. Everyone is more or less in the same boat and we have to take it one day at a time. We have to be extremely careful about anything coming in. Leave all packages outside. Don't answer the doors, wash hands, etc
We haven't really. She hasn't asked nor do I think she would really understand. We have had to teach her to wear a mask, but a simple conversation about germs was enough. And since the vast majority of people are wearing masks when we go out, she had had zero problem keeping up with that requirement. And if she need stop remove it, she knows to ask and that we have to step away from people and\or outside to do so.
We just told them there was a virus going around and that's why a lot of places were closed.
It was a virus made by man in a science lab in China, it escaped the lab and invaded the world. Slowly crippling the economy and killing a lot of people.
7. What did you need or miss the most during quarantine?
In all honesty, I actually miss quarantine! It was such a sweet time for my family. If my husband wasn't home during quarantine or if any of my family members were high risk or suffering with the virus, my answer would be different. But because we were safe and spared, it was just wonderful quality time for my husband and kids and I.
Alone time.
9. Any advice to parents?
Be there for your kids. Talk to them, ask them what are their thoughts and what do they know about Covid. What questions they have? Allow them to do things they don't normally do, I had a tent in my living for the first 2 months of quarantined.
Advice to parents: survive. Don't be hard one yourselves. If some days all you manage is TV and take out, you survived. Kids wont remember or care that the laundry wasn't done in a timely or the dishes sat in the sink longer than usual. Let them wear crazy costumes and eat out of the box. They'll probably think you're the coolest, and I can assure you, you are not alone.
This questioner helped me reflect and actually I feel like I need to give myself advice. I need to try my best to return to a less busy life. I have a hard time with that because there are always places to go and people to see (that sounds funny but it's true). I think being more mindful of my schedule and setting aside time for just my immediate family would be helpful for us and helpful to anyone for that matter.
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